My December
by Nataki
Summary: Songfic of 'My December' by Linkin Park. Forgotten love, sadness and death... that's all I'm gonna say...


Â   
  
"My December"  
  
Nataki ni yotte  
  
"My December"  
  
Songfic by Nataki (Yes, the same Nataki from 'Everlong')  
  
Rated: PG-13 for yaoi hints (3x4), angst, deathfic  
  
Disclaimer: *ahem* No, I do not own Gundam wing or any related characters. yada yada yada... If I did, I would be loved by all...^^;  
  
//This is my December  
  
This is my time of the year//  
  
I walk down the city street, Â blackened slush beneath my shoes. Â I remember last winter. Â It was so wonderful. Â It was never this cold. Â Or, at least...I was never this cold...  
  
//This is my December  
  
This is all so clear//  
  
I remember the little things...kisses and such...but he...Trowa was nothing more than a lover...and it's over. Â Perhaps being apart from him has made me act so much more like him...hostile, in a way. So quiet.  
  
//This is my December  
  
This is my snow covered home//  
  
I pass the building where I used to live, barely even turning my head to glance at it. Â Its walls have forgotten me, so I strive to forget it. Â It's painfully clear that I'll never get over this.  
  
//This is my December  
  
This is me alone//  
  
Saline tears flow from my bloodshot eyes and a breath escapes me, but it does not turn to steam.  
  
//And I  
  
Just wish that I didn't feel  
  
Like there was something I missed//  
  
When I reach the crosswalk, I step down and begin to make my way to the adjacent curb. Â It happens too fast. Â Blaring horns. Screeching brakes. No use. I cannot run. Paralyzed by fear.  
  
//And I  
  
Take back all the things I said  
  
To make you feel like that//  
  
I take the impact with my entire body and fall down onto the icy street. Â I can taste my own blood and feel it streaming from a wound in my head...maybe some others as well.  
  
//And I  
  
Just wish that I didn't feel  
  
Like there was something I missed//  
  
My eyes flutter closed and I am engulfed in my own self-induced darkness. Â I lay, broken, on the cold surface...everyone staring...no one helping. This city is merciless.  
  
//And I  
  
Take back all the things I said to you//  
  
It seems like an eternity, but, eventually I awake. Â Yellow police tape surrounds the area where I lay. Â I get up and walk away, stepping over the yellow plastic.  
  
//And I give it all away  
  
Just to have somewhere to go to//  
  
I need to get away from this place. Â I need a friend. Â Duo...he's always there for me. Â I jog for a few blocks, turn onto 17th St., and walk in through the open door of his apartment building. Up two flights of stairs. Â He's home. I can hear his television. Â I ring the doorbell...wait...no answer...again...no answer...knock...nothing...  
  
//Give it all away  
  
To have someone to come home to//  
  
I pound on the door with my fists.  
  
"Duo..." I practically sob "Please..."  
  
I stumble back against the wall and move to a seated position, hugging my legs and trembling.  
  
//This is my December  
  
These are my snow-covered dreams//  
  
Why can't he hear me? Â What's happening?  
  
"...can anyone help me?..." I whisper hoarsely. So much fear courses through my body...It's indescribable.  
  
//This is me pretending  
  
This is all I need//  
  
All I want is someone to comfort me and tell me I'm OK...because I can't tell... I don't know.  
  
//And I  
  
Just wish that I didn't feel  
  
Like there was something I missed//  
  
I feel so empty and torn apart at the seams. I know it doesn't matter, but my blonde hair is dissheveled, and I'm dirty and wet...and crying...  
  
//And I  
  
Take back all the things I said  
  
To make you feel like that//  
  
I get up. There's no use in staying here. Â This is a nightmare. I walk back down the stairs...back into the cold night.  
  
//And I  
  
Just wish that I didn't feel  
  
Like there was something I missed//  
  
Suddenly, I imagine something...against my will I see him...Duo...and Wufei and...and...Trowa... standing in a small group surrounded snow-covered headstones. The snow falls in light, dusty, flakes. Â Feather-light and as white as linen.  
  
//And I  
  
Take back all the things I said to you//  
  
The expression on Trowa's face is beyond comprehension. He blinks a tear from his eye. Â Then all I see is the city again. Â The city doesn't know me anymore so it shuns me away.  
  
//And I give it all away  
  
Just to have somewhere to go to  
  
Give it all away  
  
To have someone to come home to//  
  
Is this what denial is like? I can't think correctly.  
  
//This is my December  
  
This is my time of the year  
  
This is my December  
  
This is all so clear//  
  
I walk some more. The snow becomes ever deeper. A fresh layer has covered the grimy one. Â I look down at my feet, turn around and look at the ground behind me.  
  
//And I give it all away  
  
Just to have somewhere to go to  
  
Give it all away  
  
To have someone to come home to//  
  
Where are my footprints?  
  
Â ~Owari~  
  
Â Â Â  


End file.
